Family. Friends. I wonder why someone chose to label the relationships that we live with. Why it is even necessary to name what we feel and share with a few people in the world. I think the whole debate of family over friends and friends over family is pointless. No matter how we are biologically related or non-related, what matters most is the pull and warmth we have towards each other. That warmth or love or anything you may want to term it, doesn’t require the labels of society or the bindings of DNA.
The familiarity and level of comfort that we share with the other person is through time, talk, experience, incidents and simple love. There is definitely giving and receiving, but they don’t have conditions and ego. At least not in the same degree as most of the other relations do. That’s the beauty of the people we love and who love us. And that is so rare.
There are times when family sucks as much as friends/other relationships may do, when people you love, look up-to, hurt you, disregard you and do not accept you for who you are. They play mind games, hurl accusations, hide behind their ego and judgement to confront you and what not. So what difference does family and friendship have? You gotta live with the former no matter what, while you can simply let go of the latter. Not much solace there. Why the imprisonment then?!
I just think it’d be so simple, if we didn’t have the obligations to put up with everyone and everything. How nice would it be to talk and be with the people we mutually want to and love it. To share time with people who make us happy, who value us and who are willing to accept us for who we are and love us enough to help us become better people.
The more I’m growing up and meeting different people, and seeing people around me grow older, one thing is obvious- change is the constant. Be it family or friends- there is no guarantee to how long people will ‘love’ or accept you. Because turns out everyone is out there for themselves, so you are in, as long it’s within the comfort zone of the other, beyond it- you are nothing but a pest. So, where really does the ‘love’ figure? Where really does the ‘warmth’ feature?
I feel chained and bound to such obligatory relationships, where you need to be polite and nice for the sake of it, put up with people who pretend to put up with you. It’s so tiring.
Then I remember the other relationships that I have; with parents, best friends, a few relatives, friends and acquaintances and it makes me happy. The few people who let me be, who I accept, with whom spending time doesn’t feel like a burden or punishment.
Yeah, makes me smile.
So I guess, one of my resolutions for this year is to throw away [at least mentally] the people who pull me down, whose company doesn’t exactly make me happy, whose presence compels me to change myself beyond necessity. Goodbye to the negative. I neither have the time, the wish, the energy or space for such horrors in my life any more.
And I hope you will usher the new year with happy, friendly and loving people around you too.
I find so much of it so over-rated. When I was a kid I was told to always respect my elders. Why? Because they are older and more experienced. As I grew older, I began to have a dissenting view. I began to question why I should respect someone just because he/she is an adult or is older than I. What is so special about being grown up that separates one from the ‘innocents/kiddos’ and automatically makes one the recipient of respect?
Does being an adult imply that the person has all the maturities and thought-processes befitting an adult? What exactly are the ‘qualifications’ of being an adult? And who decides what the qualifications are? And why is it necessary to confine ourselves to what has so far been a norm?
What if I want to be an adult in my own right and my own way? What if I decide that I don’t want to follow the conventional modes of breaking into an adult- work, marriage, children, retirement and loads of planning and savings? And the flip-side of the psychological aspects of adulthood that I have so far observed- diplomacy, patience, mind games, word games, suppression of thoughts or imposition of thoughts, an attitude of superiority, loads of ego and unnecessary self-importance. Umm? What gives?!
I am losing respect to the whole adage surrounding adulthood. From experience I have seen so many adults behave like children mentally. Being stubborn, holding onto grudges and ego, imposing responsibility on the self and surrounding, expecting too much whilst the same is not delivered by the self, too much talk and very little action. The hypocrisy of it all is astounding. What minds must have worked to set up this whole system, eh?
“What’s wrong with our children? Adults telling children to be honest while lying and cheating. Adults telling children to not be violent while marketing and glorifying violence… I believe that adult hypocrisy is the biggest problem children face.”- Marian Wright Edelman
So, how much can you rely on an adult to guide you into being an adult? We are expected to follow our elders and believe what they say is true and right. What if it’s the exact opposite in certain aspects? When does one ever really grow up? We always have something to learn, so do our elders too, right? Of course, we need to respect them for experience that they leave us with, if not anything else. But that’s my point. Being an adult is simply over-rated.
Does being an adult mean that one has to always be responsible and worry about what others say? If no, then why is it expected of us to behave so? And if one dares to defy convention, one is outcast. So what’s the point of being an adult, when one can’t do what one wants completely?
Isn’t being grown up associated with mental maturity, understanding, acceptance, responsibility and some extent of rationality? Then, why the two faced demeanour? Of course no one is perfect, but why pretend to be?
Why not keep it simple, and actually just communicate, exchange views and ideologies, agree to agree/disagree and move on? The facade of it all is so irritating.
To all the adults out there: what makes you an adult? Frankly, I don’t know why I should be labelled as an adult or why anyone should be for that matter! We learn, grow up and experience different things at different times. We are adults at 20, only biologically, adults at 18 only legally. But mentally, I wonder how many of us are really ‘adults’!!
If a person wants to be recognised as an adult and be respected for it, shouldn’t he/she at least behave in some manner like an adult? It is so tiring to see the hypocrisy. To see the stress-ridden shoulders that are burdened with the expected and conventional responsibilities of adulthood. Why not simply be? Why can’t a person who has attained mental and physical maturity and is biologically grown up enough to make sane/rational decisions, live life the way he/she wants? Does the ideology of ‘live and let live’, apply only with regards to matters of world peace and religious conflicts? Why not in the real world of everyday, ordinary life?
Why can’t I just be me? Does being me and defying convention, mean that am not an adult really? That I still have a lot of growing up to do? Then please explain how those ‘adults’ who still have immaturity in them and lack certain other personality traits are so grown up?